My Eternal Embrace

I can't recall a time devoid of war

Constant turmoil between my heart and mind.

And although that leaves me on the brink of insanity each day,

grasping a thread of hope for dear life,

it's comforting.

It feels good to have something familiar in life.

An anchor refusing to abandon me,

no matter how forcefully I push it away.

This melancholy has been my muse,

even before I lifted my pen to write.

Life, a desert I've wandered barefoot,

scorched by relentless heat and numbing cold,

longing for water to prevent collapse,

or a blanket to stave off death's embrace.

Survival demands sustenance-

This pain has been my water as well as my warmth.

It's a deep love that she has for me.

She loves me, so she never leaves me

I don't leave her because I don't know where else to go

She's the only one I know

Her face etched within the chambers of my heart.

She makes me cry, to the point where death feels like a better friend than her

And she makes me laugh, at my own self

She mocks me for making the wrong choices,

for every memory that I'd rather die than live again

She makes me realize that I'm not quite the monster my mind has been convincing me to be for ages

She unveils my humanity,

She rouses my wrath at my own defenselessness,

as she laughs, her fingers orchestrating my existence however she pleases.